Singleton + Writer + Book Lover + Moviegoer = Screen Spinster

Welcome to the loneliest blog on the web. I have no words of wisdom to espouse. (why does espouse sound so much like spouse? Is that word trying to rub it into my spinster brain?) Anyway, I don't own a cat. Never will. I don't cook, nor do I sew or knit, but I do spin a yarn (tale) from time to time. I have no domestic talents, I am not a domestic engineer/goddess, nor do I want to be. I'll sometimes post my views on scripts, (mine & yours or theirs) movies, television shows and maybe theatre, along with my own musings usually in the style of a poem. So pull up a rocking chair, sit back as your cherry pie bakes and stay a while if you like.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Movie Review: Lockout is a F*%kup

Where to begin? How about I begin with the fact that my friend and I laughed out loud during this whole movie. We got the giggles early on and couldn't stop. So for that I am grateful for this movie going experience because I had a great time with my friend watching a horrible, horrible movie on screen.

Lockout is about this guy, Snow (Guy Pearce) who is a CIA operative in the future who gets framed for something and then within a matter of days he's convicted, but then a deal is made and he can get out if he goes into space to rescue the President's daughter (Maggie Grace) who is being held hostage on a prison space station. The premise is ridiculous, but what makes the movie even more ridiculous is the fact that everything is a coincidence. Most movies are given the allowance of one coincidence to get a plot rolling, but this one is riddled with them. This happens so that that can happen, etc. But none of it makes any sense.

So these prisoners are in a pilot type of project where they are put into stasis. The President's daughter goes up there on a humanitarian mission to check on their status. So these men who've been asleep for days, weeks, months or years break free, but don't experience any physical illness? Some wake up and immediately begin rioting. One prisoner who was put to sleep for about a day develops dementia while others are fine? There is no logic in any of it. And yes, sometimes action packed dick fests need to have some kind of logic.

Guy Pearce does his best as the wise cracking anti hero, but he ain't no John MacLean (Die Hard). The dialogue is laugh out loud funny (in a bad way). There is not one moment of subtext. Everything said is on the nose. The villains (one of which is barely understandable with his thick Scottish brogue) are one dimensional. And are never really realistic as villains. Too cartoonish in their nature. They kill a lot, but even the killing is just so over the top stupid.

The movie is terrible. Save your money. But I do have to admit again that I enjoyed myself that evening due to busting a gut. But don't be fooled as this film is going to be on my Top Ten Worst films of the year. I think I will love to mock this film for months to come.

5.6 out of 10.

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