Singleton + Writer + Book Lover + Moviegoer = Screen Spinster

Welcome to the loneliest blog on the web. I have no words of wisdom to espouse. (why does espouse sound so much like spouse? Is that word trying to rub it into my spinster brain?) Anyway, I don't own a cat. Never will. I don't cook, nor do I sew or knit, but I do spin a yarn (tale) from time to time. I have no domestic talents, I am not a domestic engineer/goddess, nor do I want to be. I'll sometimes post my views on scripts, (mine & yours or theirs) movies, television shows and maybe theatre, along with my own musings usually in the style of a poem. So pull up a rocking chair, sit back as your cherry pie bakes and stay a while if you like.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

My opinion on the film G.I. JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA or what I like to call it, GI SHIT: THE RISE OF STINK




I picked up a copy of G.I. Joe Rise of the Cobra at the library last night on a whim. I then got talked out of watching 500 Days of Summer (which I've seen before and absolutely love!) to watch Joe. Now I take full responsibility for picking up the dvd myself. Nobody twisted my arm, or held a gun to my head. I thought, why not? It does have Joseph Gordon Levitt in it who is HOT! What I didn't know was that the dude is covered in some freaky mask with some silly voice program that doesn't sound like him at all! Grrrr, argh. Where was my eye candy to help me get through this piece of crap excuse for film making? It's not even bad enough to be good.

I have figured out that the more lame a plot is, the more difficult it is to follow because it makes absolutely no sense. Questions are constantly drawn as to why characters are doing this or saying that. GI JOE does this exceptionally well.

I'm tired of films being made that have no real story and are full of action sequences that don't even transition well together. Cartoon remakes are the primary culprit of such things. GI JOE and Transformers 2, two of the higher grossing films of last year, are examples. No doubt, both will be getting more films out of their respective franchises. (Poke my fucking eyes out now)

There's really no reason to go over plot or characters of GI JOE. The acting is crap. Tatum Channing is a waste of cinematic space, so much so that I just inverted his name and didn't even realize it. (Channing Tatum) UGH! The rest of the cast is forgettable as well. I mean, GI JOE wasn't made for characterization and personal development. I do however give a shout out to the BOOB MASTER or BOOB WRANGLER who dressed the Baroness and Scarlet in such a way to highlight their uhm, cough, best features. Nicely done and teen boys everywhere, salute you!

I couldn't help feeling bad as I watched one action sequence that took place in the streets of Paris where many cars got blown up. I felt bad because I kept thinking that all the money spent on blowing shit up could have fed a country full of starving people for a year, or at least create several independent films that would have been worth seeing. Blowing shit up isn't art. It can be fun when it's surrounded by intelligent story and smart characters and solid actors who love their craft. Everyone in this film just phoned their performances in. Next time, don't even both showing up, just get robots to replace them.

So needless to say I'll be rewatching 500 Days of Summer again to hopefully wash the stench out of my eyes of this dreck.

Monday, April 26, 2010

THE LOSERS (sentiments and opinions)


I enjoyed this film for what it was. A big screen adaptation of a comic book/graphic novel(too lazy to look up which one) I laughed out loud at times at the ridiculousness of some of the situations, but I thought those situations were ideal for this genre.

The Losers is your basic set up of a group of mercenaries who get betrayed and then framed, and pretend to be dead in order to get revenge on the guy who fucked them over. The villain, MAX, played by Jason Patrick in a tongue in cheek kind of way is a lot of fun to watch because at times he is just so silly and diabolical as well.

The film is not meant to be based in reality so suspend your belief and just go for the ride.

I love Jeffrey Dean Morgan (he will always be DENNY to me) and he was great in his role as the leader of the ragtag team. I am not a fan of Chris Evans, he's sort of a bland actor and mostly forgettable, but he was fun in his role here for being the doofus (also I want to own the t-shirts he wears in the film) But overall, one of the higlights of the film is Zoe Saldana who is a physical "knockout" in this picture. And by knockout I mean she kicks butt and holds her own with all the testosterone floating around her.

I am drawn to strong female characters and lately have been fortunate to see them shine on screen (the losers, kick ass, girl with the dragon tattoo)

The script itself could use some work if I really wanted to be nit-picky. But I don't want to be that lady. Some of the characters are one dimensional and border on the cliche, but it's a comic action film! I think this is a film that you'll either enjoy for what it is, or hate, thinking it's lame. I would recommend going in with no expectations and you might be pleasantly surprised.

oh, and I should mention again that I wanna do the horizontal mambo with Jeffrey Dean Morgan. Dear God! That man can make the women swoon!

Friday, April 23, 2010

My SENTIMENTS on the film THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO


I liked this film, but I didn't much care for her actual tattoo. It was disappointing, and looked rather cheesy. But that's a minor nitpick.

A fairly good mystery unfolds in the film. The beginning had some challenging moments to get through as the plot weaved between two characters. I liked the European style of filmmaking where things aren't instantly revealed and characters are multi-layered and damaged. Not for the squeamish as some parts are quite graphic.

The Swedish language isn't all that pleasing to the ear. But take heart, the action and performances are well worth the reading of subtitles, and by putting in the effort for this foreign film, I think you'll be rewarded. The film runs a bit on the long side. But I am interested now in reading the books.

Noomi Rapace plays Lisbeth, the girl with the dragon tattoo, but don't let the title fool you, she shares the screen equally with Michael Nyqvist. I did think she was a bit too old to play the character. Her real age, which looks a bit weathered, doesn't pass that well for 24. But the character of Lisbeth has lead a hard life, so she wouldn't look fresh faced at any age, even as a child.

There are two scenes, well three really, that are wonderfully acted and downright hard to watch. It involves violence that is just so humiliating beyond comprehension. And I have to say is that I haven't HATED a film character like this in a long time. I won't say who the character is whom I abhor and want to smash his head in with a fucking fire poker, but if you watch the film you can guess as to who I am speaking about.

Hollywood is remaking this film, which sucks because it's already been made and doesn't need to be Americanized. Oh, well. As of right now, Carey Mulligan is rumored to be playing Lisbeth, (Love her!) and she would be interesting to see in this role, but I am quite content with the original actor's portrayal. Lisbeth is a deeply disturbed and damaged character, which any actor would love to sink her teeth into.

The film is written by Nikolaj Arcel and Rasmus Heisterberg (adapted from the novel by Stieg Larsson).

Foreign Language Films


I'm a fan. I love Hollywood movies, but I'm also drawn to the European and Asian style of storytelling. I find European films very character driven sometimes to the point of them being very slow. But who says everything has to be FAST? They take the time to build tension and add layer upon layer. I believe in order to be a well rounded writer, one has to immerse themselves in all art forms. Watching foreign films is a key component to that experience.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Being Kind to the Planet while being a Writer...EARTH DAY


Today is Earth Day. What have you done lately to help save/protect/love the planet? As a writer, what are things that we can do to bring less garbage into the environment? One of the biggest things is to USE both sides of the paper when printing scripts, and using recycled paper. Scrap paper can be turned into cards for BEAT SHEETS as well. Also, try checking out a local used book store for second hand copies of your favourite books.

I know the Kindle and I-pad are a new way for reading scripts/books, getting information which is great. And although it doesn't use paper products, the amount of energy and waste used to create the electronic devices are just as comparable, if not more so.

Book Swapping with friends is a way to help the environment(and it's less messy than Wife Swapping).

Oh, and there's also TREE HUMPING which shows how much you love the earth (Wait. It's hugging, isn't it? Damn! Just ignore that)

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

GLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE (my sentiments)




There really aren't words to express my admiration for this show. It warms the cockles of my bitter old heart. The one word that keeps coming up for me about GLEE is DELIGHTFUL. This show is just absolutely DELIGHTFUL on all levels.

The writing is fresh and fun, and makes me wish I spoke like the diabolical mega BITCH, Sue Sylvester (a spinster after my own heart minus the polyester jogging suit) The musical numbers are so much fun to watch and listen to because the songs are from our pop culture psyche. Now I'm not quite sure I'm a GLEEK, (a die hard fan!) but I'm pretty close. I feel that working on a show like that would suddenly make the cobwebs disperse around me, and the birds would sing and it'd be fun and frolics all the time!

Last night's Madonna episode did not disappoint. I had a smile on my face the entire time. FUCK! I want to bed Mr. Schuester so badly. Can a spinster have a one night stand? I want to run my fingers through his Dippity Do jam packed curly hair and have him sing "like a virgin" to me. As a spinster, being like a virgin, goes with the territory.

If you're the type of person who wishes that people would suddenly break out into a Pat Benatar medley while walking down the street then this show is for you. And if you're a person looking for quality, good old fashioned entertainment then Glee is for you. If you're a writer who wants to learn more about dialogue and the art of sarcastic banter then Glee is for you. But if you're a pervert looking for porn then get the FUCK off my blog!)

My SENTIMENTS on the film DEFENDOR (now out on DVD)





DEFENDOR is a Canadian superhero flick that pretty much nobody saw, which is a typical thing for Canadian films. And that's a shame because this is a wonderful film. Well written and performed and overall, well executed. It doesn't look "canadian" and what do I mean by that? Well, if you've seen a lot of "canadian" films you know what I mean. If you haven't then let's just say, it's not shot in the winter. It looks good, doesn't look cheap. Well-shot. The look of the film, although sometimes too dark, is ideal for the actual story.

DEFENDOR (and not to be mistaken for DefendER which the lead character wants you to know) takes place in Hamilton Ontario, but it's only ever referred to as "The Hammer" a slang term for the steel town that I didn't know existed. So it has more of a gritty North American feel to it. Woody Harrelson plays the lead, a man who suffers from fetal alcohol syndrome and who believes he's a superhero and not in the HAHA kind of way. He uses home made gadgets to catch the bad guys (swarm of wasps anyone?) in a very realistic way. He puts himself in real danger as the movie progresses. He faces off against corrupt cops and drug dealers and in the process develops a very realistic friendship with a young prostitute played by Kat Dennings, who just shines in her role. She is definitely one to watch. And a big shout out to Elias Koteas who plays a villain like no other actor.

I won't go into plot details because I think you should get off your ass and rent this film for yourself.


I liked the dark sense of humor about the film. It's not about laughing at the character. The humor comes out of the situations.

It's heartwarming, funny, charming, dark, and entertaining.

The film is written and directed by Peter Stebbings (who this Spinster thinks is quite an attractive man) Fuck! If I baked, I'd bake Peter an apple strudel with cinnamon frosting.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

My SENTIMENTS equal a POSITIVE take whilst My OPINION lead to a NEGATIVE TAKE



Whenever you see a review and the title has SENTIMENTS in it then brace yourself for a positive musing on something. But if the title of a review has OPINION in it, be rest assured that it'll probably be negative with a wee bit of cynicism.

AN OFFICE I DON'T WRITE IN/OUT/FROM

My SENTIMENTS on the film DATE NIGHT, aka SHUT YOUR VAGINA




I saw it opening night because it has my favourite person in it...TINA FEY. I worship the ground she walks on. She is by far this spinster's biggest girl crush ever! Anyway, I was geared up and ready to laugh and I did!

I am not a movie elitist or snob. In my old age, I have become more cynical and discerning but that's all. (bitter and crusty are just what others call me, and I don't give a rat's ass about those people anyway) The movie was fun, and harmless and it works due to the charm of its leads. They have wonderful chemistry and need to become the newest comedy duo on the big screen (or small screen or i-phone screen).

The premise isn't that original. Been there. Done that before. But that's not really a big deal. The laughs come from Fey and Carell as they deliver their lines with ease and believability, along with some great physical comedy. I venture to guess there was some ad-libbing going on. I laughed out loud quite a bit. I am a sucker for people who walk into glass doors/windows. I ALWAYS, ALWAYS find that funny. This movie is not rocket science, but it's a fun night out (alone or with a date.) And a big FYOU to all those people who see DATE NIGHT whilst on a date. Us spinsters don't do shit like that.

But I would say that if you miss it in during its theatrical run, you're not missing out on an event film, and it's quite a good renter.

Film is written by Josh Klausner.

My SENTIMENTS on the film KICK ASS






To play on words I'm gonna say it. KICK ASS kicks ass! And I am not ashamed to say that this Spinster is wishing she were a foul mouthed 11 year old with a panache for violent gunplay and the vocab stylings of a mafioso.

The film is slow to start and I actually had the sinking feeling that I was going to be disappointed in the film. I kept waiting for something exciting to happen. It might have been due to the fact of VOICE OVER used in large parts during the First Act. It sort of slowed things down for me. But once HIT GIRL was introduced into the mix it started to speed up.

This film is all HIT GIRL's. She is the STAR of this film. Everyone else, although good in their roles, pale in comparison to her utter charm and complete fierceness. She is someone I would NEVER want to meet in a dark alley or even a well lit promenade. Hit Girl is played by Chloe Moretz who has, hopefully, a wonderful future for her in Hollywood. (fingers crossed that she doesn't go the Lindsey Lohan route of fucking up her life)

I laughed so much during the second part of the film that I think my spleen shifted. And the laughter really is due to the "I can't believe what I just saw/heard" factor. The amount of violence is awe inspiring and so over the top, yet realistic in a way, that I was in shock, in a good way. This isn't pretend spiderman or superman type of killing of the bad guys, and sometimes the bad guys weren't that bad to warrant swords through their guts, but Hit Girl thinks otherwise and who am I to argue with her. KICK ASS is a realistic violent superhero flick without being too serious or pretentious about itself like Watchmen was.

All I can say is that this film is not for the faint of heart. If you have issues with 11 year olds saying c*nt or motherf*cker then don't see this.

Don't be surprised if there's a sequel. It was left open for such a possibility. It really now depends on its box office tally. I for one, am eager to see HIT GIRL in her own feature length film. I also plan on buying a purple wig soon.

And since writers never get their dues in films, unless a reviewer wants to trash the 'screenplay'. I give Jane Goldman (yay!! a female writer!) and Matthew Vaughn a motherf*ckin' 21 Bazooka salute!

P.S. SPOILER TALK

I want a jet pack!